Grief Counselling
Grief can change everything.
It can affect the way you think, sleep, work, relate to others, and move through daily life. Some people experience grief as overwhelming sadness, while others feel numb, disconnected, anxious, angry, restless, or emotionally stuck. There is no single right way to grieve. Grief is considered to be a universal experience, but the way you experience grief is as unique as you.
Grief is not limited to bereavement or the death of a loved one. We can also experience deep grief after a separation or divorce, job loss, friendship breakdown, infertility, miscarriage, illness, trauma, identity changes, children growing up, ageing, menopause, or simply the loss of a life we imagined for ourselves.
Not everyone who experiences grief will want or need counselling. The reasons people choose to come for counselling after a loss are so varied. Some people decide to come simply to speak to someone outside the family or situation. Some people are struggling to make sense of what happened, or have lingering feelings of guilt, resentment or sadness. Some come because the grieving process feels like too much and they would like company in it.
If you’re curious about grief counselling or wondering if it might be helpful to you, please feel free in get in touch for a no-obligation chat. I understand the tenderness and vulnerability that happens in grief, and I offer a space that is very gentle and supportive.
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Different Types of Grief
Many people will be familiar with the idea that we grieve after a big loss, but maybe not aware that there are different types of grief that each have their own qualities. Some common experiences include:
• Acute grief — the intense feelings we have in the first weeks and months after a big loss.
• Anticipatory grief — the experience of grief that happens when we know a loss is coming, such as with a terminal illness or a big move.
• Complicated / Prolonged grief — there is no exact timeline for grief as each person is different, but you may be experiencing “prolonged grief” if the experience is continuing to feel overwhelming and difficult to move through after some time has passed.
• Disenfranchised grief — grief that feels unseen or minimised by others. This might happen when a relationship has been a secret such as an affair, or an LGBTQI+ relationship that isn’t recognised or known about.
• Cumulative grief — when multiple losses build over time. This can happen when many losses come at once, or when a person has not been able to grieve an earlier loss.
• Delayed grief — when emotions are pushed aside and surface later. Sometimes this is beyond the persons control and they feel numb or “fine” until many years later.
There is no timeline for grief. Healing does not mean forgetting or “moving on.” Often it means learning how to carry loss differently while reconnecting with yourself and your life. Rather than the grief getting smaller, we grow and expand to be able to hold the loss.
How Grief Can Affect You
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear” - C.S. Lewis
Many people are expecting the emotional part of grief such as sadness, but are shocked by how it can feel so physical, and at times completely overwhelming to the nervous system. A profound loss can also feel like intense stress, shutdown, exhaustion.
You may notice:
• Difficulty sleeping or disrupted sleep
• Fatigue and low energy
• Brain fog, forgetfulness, or trouble concentrating
• Loss of motivation or interest in things you once enjoyed
• Anxiety or panic
• Hypervigilance or feeling constantly “on edge”
• Changes in appetite
• Physical heaviness, aches, or tension
• Emotional numbness
• Irritability, anger, or guilt
• Feeling disconnected from yourself or others
• Waves of sadness that seem to come unexpectedly
Many people are also surprised by how long these feelings can persist, and feel pressure to be okay long before they actually are.
The other side of Grief - reimagining and rebuilding after the loss
The good news is that we are wired to be able to absorb grief and move forward after a loss. Part of the grieving process often involves beginning to imagine how life might look, finding courage to try new things, feeling a new sense of identity emerging. This is completely normal part of the process, but it often comes with feelings of guilt. and a heartbreak, as if moving forward means forgetting.